For the majority of my life, I was labeled the self-proclaimed “know-it-all”. I wasn’t pretentious, I was just confident about knowing everything. I felt that I had to strive for perfection in the eyes of those who couldn’t care less. I thought having an answer to every question, comment, concern, or even silence, meant that I was more devoted, that I was better. To admit uncertainty was to admit that there was a world where I had no idea what came next. So, I promised myself that I would never foster ignorance again, and of course that wasn’t feasible, but I was an ambitious personality. There was a continuous pressure to prove that I was always ahead, because otherwise I felt behind.
However, diving into the world of technology definitely humbled me. The deeper I got into my studies, the more I came to the conclusion that I was never going to know everything, not in the way that I wanted to. I realized that evading “failure” was holding me back more than anything. I conditioned myself to think that I had to be perfect because I would find more success that way. Instead of shying away from defeat, I took it as an opportunity to identify my weaknesses and turn them into strengths. Not knowing everything didn’t make me unviable, in fact it made me moldable, and gave me the ability to grow beyond my limitations.
Changing my mentality was the key to my current pursuance of software engineering. The field of technology continuously develops at faster speeds than we can sometimes comprehend. Even those that created said machines can’t fully understand or explain these nuances, and that changed everything for me. There are so many new tools, implementations, and applications that are introduced, and because of this, there are always opportunities for research and improvements. I have finally come to grasp the idea that to be objectively successful in this industry is to forever be a student. Be curious, be excited, and be willing to learn.
For once, I can accept that to be a beginner is not a disadvantage, it’s quite the opposite. The lack of knowledge is always an opportunity to absorb and apply new information. Software engineering and many other sub-industries like Data Science per se, cultivates a space where the mindset to learn is not a suggestion but rather a prerequisite. Any land undiscovered becomes an adventure and a journey I must trust.
For years I thought that being a person who didn’t need to learn made me superior when all it did was weaken me. Although it still proves hard to admit, acknowledging what I don’t know makes me stronger. It takes relinquishing the pressure of perfection to become a seed eager to be watered. And I can finally say that I’m ready for the challenge of being watered.